Today is a special anniversary for my husband and myself. Not one of the big ones like a wedding or engagement anniversary, but a special one that comprises one in that long list of intimate moments on which a relationship is built.
We have fun with this one because it reminds us of the random events that connected us.
Trusting myself
On that faithful day I said yes to going for a walk in the park with the person who would become my husband.
We had both been invited to a major policy think-tank on addiction and mental health with about 20 others, and were arranged at tables around the perimeter of a conference room with assigned seats in alphabetical order. I was lucky enough to be seated next him.
I remember smiling as I sat down. As the day progressed I was impressed not only by his insights, but as we passed notes back and forth during the meeting, yes, just like elementary school, I came to appreciate his sense of humor.
After this all day meeting, he invited me to go for a walk. It was a beautiful, warm fall day. We strolled Washington Square Park in New York City, kicking up leaves releasing their sweet, musty scent as we spoke about books, and favorite authors.
We then went our separate ways, each with the other’s phone number.
I woke up this morning smiling, deciding to make a special breakfast. Sounds good?
My challenge was I didn’t have one of the key ingredients needed for my fantasy breakfast.
Resiliency: thinking out of the box
You may be wondering what resiliency has to do with cooking. The answer-- a great deal. If you cook, you are constantly problem solving. And resiliency is spurred by needing to solve problems.
Think of your kitchen as one of your labs for re-thinking how to handle life’s many challenges. Yummm
Following your passion
Today my passion was to begin the day with making something special. What better place to put my resiliency to work than in the kitchen, particularly as I live rurally, meaning it often isn’t easy to buy what I need.
What I needed today was milk. I know an essential, but …
Instead of giving in to feeling stuck, I reminded myself—I can do this!
Prioritizing what is important
Yes, I could have made a cup of coffee, showered, dressed, got in my car, drove to the store, and bought the milk. But that would have defeated the warm intimate morning I was having as my husband, and we laughingly remembered that odd series of events that brought us together.
So, I improvised.
Living in the moment
I enjoy cooking based upon what I have at hand. It’s rather a daily challenge. I love recipes, but don’t want to be held hostage by them in order to make a delicious meal.
And, yes, thinking this way keeps me from doing daily grocery shopping, saves on gas, and inspires me to be, well, creative, and to use my resiliency as I figure out the word-arounds.
And being up for the challenge
Deciding to keep my goal of making French toast, I googled making French toast without milk. Not any options. But there were some interesting ways of using water.
Using past experiences
With this warm fuzzy memory, I embarked on reimagining what the soaking solution for my French Toast could be. I knew I needed something more viscous than water as the bread I had on hand was thin sliced country white with a sturdy crust, but a soft inside. I couldn’t have it falling apart as I dipped it into the beaten egg.
Liquid egg whites was my answer to no milk! I enhanced this by adding a dollop of maple syrup, vanilla, grated orange rind, and a dash of cinnamon. I couldn’t find the nutmeg.
I tasted it. Delicious. Maybe even better without the milk? It certainly had more protein.
Memories = windows into how we solve problems
It is in these small moments, those where we make new memories, those where we grow, learn more about ourselves, that also provide a window into how we solve problems.
Making our strengths more conscious
And, it is in being curious about how we solve the small challenges we each encounter, where we can name our strengths and build our resiliency, consciously.
Remember this personal power when you’re next in the kitchen!
Stay tuned. If you’re interesting in my clinical work visit me on Psychology Today
And if you’re interested in my course on resilience, email me at www.PatriciaOGorman.com.