How TrueLies , and Maybe Curling, Can Help You See Your Resilience
Last night, after an exhausting night of curling—yes this is that ridiculous-looking Olympic sport where individuals appear to be lying on the ice as they throw a 40-pound stone down the 150 sheet to have it hopefully land on the button in the house as teammates ferociously sweep with tiny brooms in front of the moving stone to help it go faster. Actually, it’s lots of fun.
Curling is a full-body workout. I was tired. Watching the news wasn’t going to cut it. I wanted a distraction so I could pretend my right side wasn’t aching. The intense sweeping in curling was taking a toll on me. I know it looks so easy on tv, but believe me, it isn’t.
I settled in to watch TrueLies for the first time. Here an unfulfilled housewife, Helen, discovers her husband, Harry, is a spy. Her response to this shocking news is to join him in trying to save the world -- my kind of woman!
I had seen an ad for the show. It looked mindless. I thought I’d try it.
Resilience beautifully illustrated
To my delight, there in the opening segment Helen, shared a childhood story, which perfectly illustrated resilience. I was hooked.
…. not in an action-packed moment
As someone who is fascinated by decoding resilience in all of its manifestations, I loved this less-than-a-minute sequence, as it clearly showed the impetus for developing this set of skills.
No, this wasn’t when Helen, as someone who grew up in the Philippines was revealed to now also be fluent in German. This important information amazed her team as she realized the text messages they were reading were actually translated from German and rather poorly, a dead giveaway. No pun intended. An interesting plot twist, and brilliant analysis, but this didn’t spark my resilience alert button.
Nor was it when Harry, reluctantly turns his back on his partner in the attack on the bad guys, knowing this character nicknamed The Wolf, may want to kill him. Yes, this was a complicated moment, as The Wolf was befriended by Harry’s wife, Helen, and it appears no one has befriended him in the past due to his awkward social skills. The relationship between Helen and The Wolf was a sweet note in this episode.
… but in a story of eating her school lunch in the bathroom
Helen spoke about arriving in the US at age 9 and not knowing English. This resulted in not having any friends. Sad. Her solution was to eat her lunch in the bathroom for her first week in school. Yuck.
The Wolf reacted as you probably just did. Seeing his reaction of concern, she said something like no it wasn’t that bad. It caused me to learn English fast. By Christmas, I was fluent.
… which resulted in her becoming fluent in English
Now that’s how we develop resilience! Taking something that is negative, painful perhaps, and using it to grow a new part of who we are! This is a capacity that you have.
Emotional pain is real
Am I saying that we shouldn’t feel bad when bad things happen? NO! I’m a psychologist, I help folks understand their feelings, process hurts, and disappointments, and help them heal their wounds.
…as are the solutions we generate
But I also help my patients see how they are using or can use, the events that happen in their lives to grow. I do this not to minimize their pain, but to help my patients see that they are more than wounds that befall them. They are also the solutions they generate.
Awful things happen to each of us are part of life. Just watch the news, and listen to your family’s stories. Remember last week? There’s probably something you experienced that was painful, shocking, or at least uncomfortable.
Resilience is a verb
Our resilience is an action. It is built from our inner reaction to these negative events. Resilience is a response, just like Helen demonstrated in last night's episode of TrueLies. She learned English quickly.
A key to understanding ourselves is to make our response to these negative events more conscious, as Helen did. The more we do this, the more we can harness this powerful part of who we are.