Let’s face it, this is a hard time to be a woman. But this is not the first time. So, I invite you to take a moment and consider how your ancestors dealt with similar events to those we are experiencing today because they can certainly be your inspiration to act.
Their response to the adversity they faced, helped them develop strategies that shaped our country, and you can do so again today.
Lurking resilience?
Why am I saying your resilience may be lurking? Because your resiliency is a set of largely unconscious skills. Your resilience is developed in response to negative events, that is how you cope positively with something you wish wasn’t happening.
Why is this so hard to think about yourself in this way? Because as women, you’ve also been trained not to consciously embrace this part of who you are.
Think of today as a day you decide to change this.
… Today it is more important than ever to claim your strengths
· God knows there are lots of negative factors affecting women currently.
· And you may be so straight out with all the demands of your life:
o job,
o kids,
o intimate relationship,
o friends, if you find time to see them,
…that you can easily forget how tough you are to be able to accomplish all that you currently are doing.
1908 was a pivotal year for women
Perhaps your early family members came to America and landed in New York City. Here they found a hard life, with horrendous working conditions. They decided to change this.
Women decided they had had enough of:
· Long working hours – yes, even then they struggled with how to care for a family whom they also had to support financially
· Very low pay
· Children, often their children, being abused in the workplace
They organized (all without the benefit of social media), and marched, an amazing accomplishment when you consider that women still could not vote.
By 1909 the first National Women’s Day was observed. And in 1911 International Women’s Day was created with countries around the world joining in this recognition.
Why is it still so hard to be a woman?
Today we’re being whipsawed—a favorite expression of mine as it involves being hit in both directions, just like you may be feeling.
The mixed messaging you’re receiving is maddening:
· No, neither you nor your young daughter can have an abortion-- yet
· If your young daughter is raped, we won’t pay for the often disastrous physical and psychological negative consequences of giving birth at age 11, 12, 13 ….
· If your pregnancy endangers your health, potentially, or can prevent you from being able to conceive in the future, you still cannot have an abortion. The only important thing is the fetus within you, even if dies at birth, and kills you in the process.
· No, if you are struggling with infertility, particularly the type of infertility that has no known cause, you cannot use IVF! -- yet
· We want more babies, but you must do it the right way.
· No, you can’t have birth control – yet
· If you have little to no insurance, we won’t expand health coverage for you and your children.
· We won’t pay for school lunches, anymore, guess the kids you can’t afford will just be hungry.
· We won’t fund systematic childcare, as other countries have.
· But the good news, for some, is that Viagra is still widely available!
Had enough?
Here are 3 ways to uncover and use your -- resilience!
My mother raised me with the belief that if people are so angry with you, you must have something they want!
Celebrate your strengths
Think about what this loss of freedoms, these constrictions on your physical and emotional well-being are telling you about what’s right with you; about what it is that is making people afraid of what you can do:
· That you can bring life into this world.
· That you have a heart, you care about your children and your family.
· You can and do multi-task, work, taking care of your family, and your community.
· That your caring fires your imagination, and drive, which allows you to think, plan, and act.
Consider what politicians and leaders see that you have
Think about your answer this way: What abilities do you have that they do not want you to exercise?
Embrace Women Power
· Women are the majority in the US, totaling 50.4%.
· You are part of the majority in the US which means you can organize with others or just make your preferences, your heart, and your needs -- known, and make change happen.
· As women, we share many of the same struggles, and we can join with others to seek solutions.
· You have the right to vote!
· Exercise your right to vote. Register. Vote by mail, or in person, and plan to get there.
Channel the legacy of your ancestors that created International Women’s Day
You are not alone. You can make a big difference that will positively affect your life and that of those you cherish!
You can begin as our ancestors did, just by reaching out and connecting. Or get sexy and use the new tools available to us today—call, post, and let your voice be heard!
Get started and have some fun exercising your resilience!
Stay tuned. If you’re interested in my clinical work visit me on Psychology Today.
And if you’re curious about my course on resilience, email me at www.PatriciaOGorman.com.
Patricia O’Gorman, Ph.D., psychologist and life coach, is a best-selling author of nine books on trauma, resilience, women, and self-parenting who is also known for her warm and funny presentations.
3 Ways to Use International Women’s Day to Uncover and Celebrate Your Lurking Resilience