When Conflicts Get Personal -- Respond With Self-Compassion

We are all living in an increasingly polarized world.  But there are some hopeful strategies that I’m inviting you to learn more about.

Why? I’m a psychologist with a virtual private practice. People rarely contact me because they’re having a good day.  Instead, most seek me out because they are in pain due to a conflict. 

 The result?  I’ve had lots of experience in helping others resolve the conflict in their lives.

Conflict surrounds us

Yes, including me.  I’ve been experiencing conflict in my personal life, with my extended family, some neighbors, and even some friends, all due to the increasingly negative political polarization in our country.

I don’t want to fight with those around me, and you may not want to either.

So, for me, and probably you, this has raised the very real issue of how I can:

·       speak to others,

·       be heard,

·       as well listen to the viewpoints of others, with which I may not agree. 

And how can I do all this while I take care of myself, and don’t allow my blood pressure to get too high – self-compassion in action. 

Increasingly, this is feeling like a challenge because we are all interacting with others.  Whether we are at a family gathering, on FaceTime, walking our dog, or standing in line at the grocery store, there are people there.   

At least for me, I try to make these pleasant experiences. 

But lately, this is feeling like a lot of work!

So, here’s some answers.

Learning to speak so others will listen

This is why I’m inviting you to an upcoming webinar on Bridging Polarization: The Experiential Democracy Dialogue on Sunday, March 10, 2024, and yes this is on a Sunday.  

Sponsored by the Trauma Special Interest Group of the New York State Psychological Association, this program is open to all registrants who wish to learn a better, easier way to communicate, encouraging actual positive connection, no matter where the starting point is.

Bridging Polarization will be led by Dr. Kirk Schneider, a colleague who is a brilliant, noted psychologist, and author (https://kirkjschneider.com/). 

Here he will:

·       introduce the concept of the polarized mind a fixation on one viewpoint to the exclusion of other competing viewpoints

·      share his 6-step program and

·      demonstrate how to do this by facilitating a live demonstration of his model—conducted with real individuals, not actors, who will assume a confrontational stance with each other concerning a political topic.

Here is the link for registration--there is a small fee:

https://www.nyspa.org/events/EventDetails.aspx?id=1833347&group=

This will be recorded.  If you register you can request a copy.

Braver Angels  

This is another resource.  I’m also inviting you to learn more about Braver Angles.  Elements of Kirk’s model are drawn from Braver Angels a nationwide cross-partisan, volunteer movement, which has local branches and facilitates conversations around our country ( https://braverangels.org/).

If you cannot make this webinar or wish to continue to learn about how to make your life easier by implementing these concepts, Braver Angels will be a helpful resource for you.

I hope to see you there.  Perhaps together we can learn to reduce the tension surrounding us and be more connected with others and more peaceful within ourselves.

And stay tuned for my next post where I’ll share what I’ve learned.

If you’re interested in my clinical work visit me on Psychology Today. 

… And if you’re curious about my course on resilience, email me at www.PatriciaOGorman.com.

Patricia O’Gorman, Ph.D., is a psychologist with a virtual practice, a life coach, a speaker known for her warm and funny presentations, and a best-selling author of nine books on trauma, resilience, and women.