When many of us think of Mother’s Day, we feel even more pressure—the pressure to keep everything running and the added burden of needing to smile when we want to scream or go back to bed. I know this feeling. I’m also a mother.
Yes, we are living in a very stressful time. It is a time of financial uncertainty as prices keep rising, confusion with the challenges to constitutional rights, and bewilderment with the onslaught of challenges to what we think of as established institutions.
A precarious time to celebrate Mother’s Day?
Maybe not.
This can be a rich time to illustrate life lessons you want your children to learn.
1- Welcome to the fact that your kids are studying you.
Yes, our kids watch us. Before they have words, while they’re in school, even when it looks like they’re avoiding us, they’re watching us.
Why?
On an unconscious level, they’re watching us not only to figure out what adulthood is all about, but also to see how they can be successful in what they know is coming. They know that there are stressors in the family. They want to understand how you are handling this so they can learn what to do.
2- Be mindful of setting the example you want your kids to follow when they’re frustrated.
So, don’t think of giving up. Please don’t act on wanting to get drunk or high to try to make it all go away. You know it doesn’t. Don’t try to eat away your stress. Don’t stop straightening up, cooking, bathing …
This sends a powerful message to your kids that it’s OK for them to do the same when life piles up on them.
I know, I’m a psychologist and have treated many teens who understand their actions as “not as bad as my mom was.” You don’t want to be the reason why your kids act in ways that are ultimately harmful to them.
3- Focus on 5 conscious acts of self-care.
What to do instead? Act like you want your kids to act when frustrated and want to give up. You may want a Spa Day, or dinner with the kids at the restaurant you love, but this may be ill-advised or not possible, so consider what you can do:
· Sit down, put your feet up and eat a juicy apple for 5 minutes, allowing yourself to taste it.
· Give yourself permission to pick up that book you haven’t gotten to yet and read for 20 minutes.
· Watch that silly cartoon show with your kid, and rather than focus on the non-plot, enjoy how they laugh.
· Go out for an ice cream with your teenager and savor just being together.
· Pull out your diary, or open Notes on your phone, and reflect on what’s right with you for 10 minutes!
Small gestures of self-care during hard times is a powerful lesson you can teach your kids about developing resilience—how to keep going and still have some joy, even when life is challenging.
If you like my approach … stay tuned.
I invite you to visit my website to learn more about my books, articles and speaking PatriciaOGorman.com
To learn more about my clinical work on building resilience, contact me through Psychology Today.
Patricia O’Gorman, Ph. D., psychologist and life coach, is the best-selling author of nine books on trauma, resilience, women, and self-parenting. She is is known for her warm and funny presentations.
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